『あなたと同じ愚かな選択はしない』と友人に言い放った女性に海外総ツッコミ

ESH. She has made some decisions that helped put her in the position she is in now. But it sounds like you were born with a silver spoon up your ass and without your family's contributions to your education and your home, you wouldn't have so much disposable income. 

She is jealous of you and you do look down upon her. Some friendship you all have.

I don't think you realize either your extreme privilege or the gravity of some of the things you said to Abby — who does, in fact, seem to be irresponsible with money. First, your family buying you a house. This may be common in your culture, but I'd be willing to bet there are untold numbers of people living in your country who don't enjoy this privilege — including Abby. Second, you say you've had a Lexus since high school. This again speaks of significant family wealth that's been handed down to you. (You say the Lexus has been "paid off," but you don't say by whom. Since you've had it since high school, I'm guessing not by you.) So let's not pretend that your ability to take frequent trips is a sign of your being responsible or good with money, OK? If my house were paid for by others, if my transportation were paid for by others, I'd be able to travel a lot, too.

Then, this: <<I told her if she dropped out her life would be over, her parents aren't wealthy. I suggested termination or adoption.>> This just seems vile to me. First, although having and raising a a child is a significant struggle for many young people, it does not mean their lives are over. And while I absolutely support a woman's right to choose, telling a pregnant woman who does not want to abort or place her child for adoption that she should either abort or place her child for abortion is just icky.

YTA

YTA if you think that the ONLY difference between you and Abby's circumstances is that you made better choices than her, and if that's what you think she has a point that you're not living in 'the real world' financially speaking. Most of us are not 'driving the same paid-off Lexus we had since high school.' Most of us didn't have families who bought us a house. No amount of better decision-making on Abby's part would give her those financial advantages. Most of us made smart decisions and are not able to take off for Bora Bora because we are paying ourselves for things like our house and our car. I'm not saying Abby made smart decisions, but if you think you and Abby started with the same opportunities and you just made better decisions to get where you are you aren't showing a lot of insight into the way having more generational wealth makes a huge difference for people.

YTA. I struggled even reading all of it. “I’m not judging.” Yes, you are. Your friend has made mistakes and poor choices. Your family bought you a home. You are in two different places, with totally different outlooks and priorities. You aren’t nice to each other. The friendship has played out. You both need to move on.

YTA this post is so judgy. You sound condescending as hell

Lmao “my family bought me a house”
“Still driving the same Lexus”

These are statements of privilege 😂

ESH

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

"She is now telling mutual friends an exaggerated story about how I am said she should have got rid of her baby." It's not exaggerated. You did. That is a very touchy subject and it's usually best to zip it when it comes to others' reproductive decisions.

You also went into a giant judgmental tirade about her bad decisions through most of this post, despite claiming you are not judging. Do you even actually LIKE her?

She poked the bear by accusing you of wasting money after you said you had saved up for this trip. That should have been the end of it. Instead she kept on and you did an "I told you so" which no one likes.

ESH – Your friend is dealing w the consequences of her own actions. Yes. Life is harder for her. Yes. But she shouldn’t be lecturing you about your spending.

OP pretending like she didn’t get a leg up is also pretty assholey. Presenting like being given a Lexus in high school is no big deal…. Bonkers. Did OP also rely on the security of a safety net in case she made a bad decision? Two parents not just one? Like… get over yourself.

(Edit: Lexus wasn't gifted, it was purchased – but I think it stands that there was enough comfort/time/energy within the family unit to allow OP to earn the money to buy the Lexus vs (my assumption) friend maybe needing to help out her single parent with bills or other household responsibilities).

ESH. I’ll be honest and say I have a childhood friend that (not through her own fault, she was always smarter and more motivated and disciplined, but life has been unkind to her) has been struggling through health and financial and relationship issues for years, while I have gotten married, I’m not working anymore, and traveling with my husband a couple times a year.

The truth is that the lack of financial pressure in my life takes off so much stress that I am way more able to put my time and energy into things I care about, into learning, into introspection, into SLEEP (that is such a huge one) and all of those things do help me be more stable and grounded. In a way, my being so stable is actually more difficult for my friend, I think. Because when she’s absolutely going through it, she looks to me and I’m… exempt.

In a way, you and I \*arent\* living the same reality as others. I think it’s important to remember that. We make our choices the same as anyone else, but financial security means your options are very different. And growing up with good financial role models and support makes a HUGE difference too.

Having said all that… I don’t think this is about a single interaction. I bet that you, like me and my friend, have been slowly drifting apart across years, and the comments might be new or different, but I bet her obvious resentment of your situation has been growing steadily over time.

After a certain point, what are you supposed to do? I can’t talk to my best friend about most of my life, and the only things she wants to talk to me about is how awful everything is. It’s makes it hard to have a genuine friendship when you’re routinely needing to hold back what you’re doing, thinking, excited about, working towards, etc.

That’s why it’s kinda ESH. Your friend that’s a debt ridden single mom most certainly looks at your life with envy and thinks about what could be. And who could blame her? But even though your life is enviable, it doesn’t make you a villain. You don’t deserve to be judged or ridiculed by your friend.

I hope that life gets easier and better soon because people on average are more stressed and emotionally deregulated than I can remember in my entire life. Count your blessings if you can’t relate. Unfortunately I worry both of us will lose our friends to resentment. If that does happen, I hope I’ll be able to reconnect later when life is being less awful. If not… it sucks but it is what it is and frankly it’s a little hard to feel sorry for myself.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. This one felt a little close to home.

She shouldn’t have been making comments on you blowing money. She joked about it cause she’s jealous and it’s her way of comforting herself by making You seem like the one who’s stupid so she can claim not spending that money is smart on her end.

You’re also very clearly privileged and looking down on her.

ESH, stop being friends with people if you don’t like each other my goodness. Neither of you are necessarily bad people or wrong for having or not having money, but it sounds like there is just such a clear gap in your world view and values I have no clue how you’re friends.